lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
