The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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