i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
