Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
