Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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