Too much gin, very little bucket
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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