no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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