i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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