I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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