Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
