In America we eat man semen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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