It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
