it was like his penis was on wheels.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
