There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize