Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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