I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
