Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
