To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
