Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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