Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
