You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
