Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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