it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
