I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's blow job season.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
