and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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