We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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