My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
