After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm passing your future prison.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
