I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
