Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
