Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
