Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize