The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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