sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
