You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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