i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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