she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
