Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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