Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
