I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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