i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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