She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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