It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
