I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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