Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
