If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
