the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
