It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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