FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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