Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
