something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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