Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
