I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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