Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize