When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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