woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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