I can tuck mytits in my pants
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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