shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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