John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
