I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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