this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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