You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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