dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
