I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
