fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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