need another drink. this is the easiest way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
