Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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