I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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