Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
