This girl is more easily done than said...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
