If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
