So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
