Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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