1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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