I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
