I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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