You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
