Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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