I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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