I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
