Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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