She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
